Director: Freddie Francis
Starring: Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, Donald Sutherland, Roy Castle, Alan Freeman, Max Adrian, Michael Gough, Jennifer Jayne, Neil McCallum, Ann Bell, Kenny Lynch
This great review by Alan – all part of my 31 Days of Horror.
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One of Amicus’ “portmanteau” films Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors takes the form of five strangers finding themselves sharing a train carriage with the titular Doc (played fantastically by Peter Cushing) who proceeds to use his Tarot deck to tell tales of woe, soon to befall each of the five men.
First up is Jim Dawson, an architect sent to a rich widow’s house in the Hebrides, to make structural changes i.e. she wants a wall knocked down to make one big room. So far, so Location, Location, Location – but all is not as it seems… You may think you are being subtly pointed in a lycanthropic direction by the mists, moon shots and occasional howling. But subtlety is smashed, as swiftly as the offending wall, when Jim is told by creepy caretaker Caleb that he has “unearthed the coffin of Cosmo Valdemar… THE WEREWOLF!” This is probably the most accomplished of the five tales, and the one that could most easily have been a full feature. It’s atmospheric, creepy, features a nice little twist and best of all: a polite werewolf, who knocks before entering a room.
Next to tap the doc’s deck three times is Bill Rogers. He returns home from a family holiday, to find a sinister plant has sprung up in his front garden. When it resists a spot of pruning by screaming, then knocking his shears out of his hand – Bill decides it’s best to go straight to the MOD. Here we meet two botanists: one is nothing but (carnivorous) plant food, the other is played by Bernard Lee (Connery and Moore’s “M”) who turns out to be a pipe smoking, flaming newspaper wielding badass. There then follows some stealthy plant kills and fantastic faux science – Bernard Lee places a leaf of the evil plant under his microscope and declares “A brain! I was right!” This is another great little story with some fantastic lines and leaps of logic.
Third is record breaking Roy Castle *trumpet solo*. He plays musician Biff Bailey in a Voodoo-jazz-tastic tale of the perils of copyright infringement. Biff and his band travel to Tahiti for a gig, and while there he copies down the music of a secret voodoo ritual. Even though the High Priest warns him against bootlegging “the sacred music of the great god Dambellah”, Biff returns home and drops his black magic beats in a swinging London nightspot. Cue… well not very much at all really. A sinister wind blows all the club’s tablecloths onto the floor and everyone concerned acts as if the disco has been decimated. Biff is then tormented by mysterious match needing strangers, bins that appear from nowhere and a fourth wall breaking “Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors” (Certificate X) poster. Even though it is by far the weakest section, “Voodoo” is charming and amusing – from Roy Castle’s Prince Phillip-ian remarks to the ridiculously un-terrifying curse’s consequences.
Christopher Lee’s malicious art-critic (Franklin Marsh) makes the mistake of slamming artist Eric Landor’s efforts and is punished by being tricked into giving an enthusiastic review of a chimpanzee’s painting (I’m not making this up). Marsh responds by running Landor over and, as a result of his injuries, Landor loses his hand. Evidently he is not ambidextrous, as he promptly shoots himself and his disembodied hand sets out to wreak revenge. This is perhaps the nastiest segment, Lee is fantastically vitriolic and the hand effects still hold up surprising well.
Finally, Donald Sutherland plays Bob Carroll who brings home a new wife who seems to have a predilection for the red stuff. When his new Bride hungrily sucks the blood from his nicked pinkie, then turns into a bat and flies out the bedroom window and a local boy starts suffering from acute anaemia, Bob and a fellow Doctor put two and two together and start whittling. Though the bat effect is pretty poor and comes across as a demonic seagull, there’s plenty to enjoy here. The performances are nicely restrained and there’s a killer last line.
Yes, I’ve poked fun at it, but I dearly love Dr. Terror’s House of Horrors. It features some excellent actors (and Roy Castle). It moves along at a swift pace and if you’re not getting much from one of the tales – it’ll make way for another shortly. The range of stories covers lots of bases – you don’t get vampires, werewolves, triffids, voodoo AND avenging hands in one film very often. Plus, it’s British and they even kill the dog!
