Director: D J Caruso
Starring: Alex Pettyfer, Timothy Olyphant, Teresa Palmer, Dianna Agron, Kevin Durand
The One Where I Am Number Four Steals Nic Cages Thunder
I googled “Ninjas” t’other day. The search said, “No Ninjas found”. Well played, Ninjas. Well played.
Do you ever get the feeling a film snuck up from behind; Ninja style, and garroted you with cheese wire?
I meant that as a good thing, so it’s a terrible analogy, I just really liked that Ninja joke.
I Am Number Four was part of a double bill for me, this week. I was amped for Drive Angry (3D!), and saw this to kill time, and justify the car journey into town.
Kick me in the balls, and call me soppy… but I loved it.
It started with an efficient action scene, show casing some decent effects, and getting me into the film. I was even more impressed by the opening tracking shot. I just kept wondering whether I had forgotten my 3D glasses. It’s not in 3D, but could/should have been. That opening shot travels miles, (think opening of Day After Tomorrow). The music had me tapping my foot. All good.
I knew of course, this was “the new Twilight”, so things would go down hill drastically.
Well, having the next scene with Kings Of Leon blaring out boded well. Then, the next had that new Adele song. I immediately thought of Mrs T wanting the soundtrack, even though she could have both of those songs from their respective albums. I can’t remember a soundtrack that was more “current”. Don’t get me wrong, I totally get that is to shift plenty of copies of said soundtrack, but at least they chose well.
When Timothy Olyphant turned up, (with a grey beard!), I knew this was going to be above par. The fact he had a grey beard was a little disturbing. The guy is class as far as I am concerned (still won’t forgive Hitman, mind). But a grey beard? We’re all getting old, I guess.
I’ll be honest, in case Craig’s excellent review didn’t sway you yet; I’m not a massive Sci-Fi geek. Well, I am, but I’ll quantify. I hate the fact Sci-Fi films have people with tattooed heads, and silly languages that people actually try and LEARN!
Well, I Am Number Four has those things. But I still loved it. What swayed me round? There is one scene, where two men are captive. They think they have helped the baldalientattooeddudes, but alas, the film needs to show us they are badass. So… DJ Caruso (2/4 for me) has one of the baldalientattooeddudes put a metallic ball (NO JOKES!), in one of the captive’s mouths. Thing is, this thing is from Phantasm, with swirly blades, and knives sticking out. He makes the guy swallow it. In a 12A! It was an important scene, as I loved the nasty streak. Plus it saved an awkward scene that starts with the baldalientattooeddude reading Silver Surfer comics.
So what doesn’t work?
Well, I think the end pitches for Spiderman. Graveyard and all, we get our lovers having their first deep and meaningful conversation. There was scope for that through out, and in not including more of it, they fell into the new Twilight trap. The romance worked for me. (She’s gorgeous for one – and no doubt Mrs T will be pointing at his stupid abs when I get her the Bluey – up converted to 3D maybe??). But the end didn’t have the impact I wanted. Especially where one character does a ginormous U Turn that is totally out of a different film.
It is a little shame, but as a(nother) compliment to the film, I would have happily sat waiting for a sequel. (Not for 2/3 years, I mean if it existed already. It wasn’t that good!).
The final set piece was awesome, too. It reminded me of The Faculty, and that is a compliment, too.
The Stormbreaker kid did well, for me. He has a Tom Cruise vibe about him. Sign me up for a sequel. I want to see if number Five is as hot as number Six.
