Rob Nijman writes for Live for Films.
First off: this is not easy. So many robots to consider, so few slots to fill. Movie robots have been with us since 1896’s L’Eve Future spawned an android named Hadaly, and they’re probably not going anywhere in the foreseeable future. But what criteria do you use for entry into the final list, and how do you decide the definitive order? And then there’s the subjectivity of it all. “Why on Wall-E’s polluted earth would you leave out Blitz, from Bowser & Blitz? That is one awesome robot dog, sir.” I know. Breaks my heart, it does. Even though it’s not technically a movie character. Or indeed any more a robot than Spongebob is a talking sponge. He’s just drawn that way.
Second off: this is not easy. Look at all the awesome movie robots that just barely missed the cut. Ash from Alien, for instance. Went for Bishop from Aliens instead – as if JC wasn’t overrepresented in the final top ten as it is, with not one but two Terminator installments. Or what about those mind-blowing spider thingies from Tom Selleck’s Runaway, the highly entertaining sci-fi adventure that got its mid-eighties ass kicked by, well, James Cameron again. Sure, it had those acid-injecting (!) Vectrocon robot spiders, heat seeking bullets and KISS’s Gene Simmons as a runaway maniac who’s after Selleck’s stache. But did it have a leather-clad Mr. Universe sporting a bright red cyborg eye behind those big, black sunglasses, telling you he’ll be back?
Also, let’s not leave out 1996’s Demolition Man. It has no actual robots, but somehow feels like it should be mentioned here. Or Blade Runner’s Roy Batty, and the countless tears he’ll cry right into the rain when he finds out Johnny 5 from Short Circuit did make the cut. Still, there’s the Top Ten of Awesome Shotgun-Wielding Hobo’s to look forward to for him. So I guess that one is alright.
Then there’s Marvin the Paranoid Android. Who, when asked to join the Top Ten, answered “I won’t enjoy it” and sauntered off, sighing at doors and bemoaning his planet-sized brain. And let’s not forget C-3PO. Sure he whines, annoys, clangs like the Tin Man from Oz and is essentially the Jar-Jar for the original trilogy. Still, being built by an asthmatic Sith lord and coming out as polite as he did has to account for something. So there.
10. Optimus Prime (Transformers, 2007)
If not everyone’s favourite movie robot, probably everyone’s favourite cartoon robot truck toy that talks. And transforms. And is generally all about saving the human race from evil intergalactic warmongers that can turn into tanks, army helicopters and vicious fighter jets. Because he can.
9. Johnny 5 (Short Circuit, 1985)
Because life is NOT a malfunction. Because “with excitement like this, who is needing enemas?” Because “what if it goes out and melts down a bus load of nuns? How would you like to write the headline on that one?” Because he needs iiiiiinput! So I put him in.
8. The Gunslinger (Westworld, 1973)
It’s Yul Brynner, innit.
Also, Westworld (which might get a 2012 remake starring Russell Crowe) was written and directed by Michael Crichton, who received plenty of snubbing on my account when his Runaway spiders were lamentably dismissed from the Final Ten earlier on. Have I mentioned they were Acid-Injecting Vectrocon Spiders controlled by Gene Simmons?
7. Bishop (Aliens, 1986)
This could have been Ash’s spot. If he weren’t so alarmingly evil in a warm and detached manner, thereby quite possibly upstaging Bishop at first yet also perfectly setting the scene for what is Ripley’s characteristic distrust of everything android right from the beginning of Aliens. Lance Henriksen’s Bishop might be a loyal, trustworthy and ultimately heroic – maybe even passionate and thereby human – droid, but Ripley at first can’t be sure. And through her, neither can the audience. Even though his almost endearing affections for her, and the fact he is visibly upset about her hesitations, would indicate otherwise. This is one robot whose many layers cannot be covered by cyborgy goo alone.
6. Robocop (Robocop, 1987)
It’s a robot, who is a cop. Serve, Protect, Uphold the Law. By fighting the likes of ED-209, Ronny Cox and the grumpy dad from That 70s Show. Also, it’s The World According To Verhoeven. I’ll buy that for a dollar!
5. Wall-E (Wall-E, 2008)
Waste Allocation Load Lifter, Earth-class. The Little Robot That Could. Abandoned by the people that made him, wandered for seven centuries collecting our collective crap, yet finds the personality to evolve an actual personality. And eventually saves the day, while making audiences around the world reach for their handkerchiefs on account of his silly, silly, adorable antics.
4. The T-1000 (Terminator 2: Judgment Day, 1991)
He’s only the baddie in the Best. Sequel. Ever. isn’t he? Granted, whatever it was that came after T2 is not worth mentioning, but to upstage and upscale the 1984 original was no easy task. Part II of The Godfather debatably did the very same thing, but only marginally so. Then again, the Corleone Saga didn’t have Robert Patrick’s steeled smirk. Or awesome physics-has-got-nothing-on-me skill set.
3. HAL 9000 (2001: A Space Odyssey, 1968)
Around the interwebs, we’re all quite fond of our aluminum hats, spooky conspiracies and apocalyptic cyberwars. According to the book that spawned this epic sci-fi mindfrack, HAL became operational on January 12, 1997 – several months before Skynet became self-aware. [Ominous Music Playing]. Cameron’s Skynet can’t hold a candle to Kubrick’s HAL 9000 when it comes to cool, calculated, computer creepiness though. (It’s Kubrickian!). The fact it’s probably several times as plausible doesn’t help much either.
2. The Cyberdyne Systems Model 101 Series 800 Terminator (The Terminator, 1984)
“The Terminator is an infiltration unit, part man – part machine. Underneath it’s a hyper alloy combat chassis, microprocessor controlled, fully armored, very tough,” says Kyle Reese. And he’s the dude that got sent back in time – naked and unarmed – by his son in order to impregnate the kid’s mother while fending off an unstoppable killing machine with an equally killing vocabulary and fashion sense. So he knows what he’s talking about.
Do I think Judgment Day is the better picture of the two? Yes. Is the T-1000’s poly-mimetic alloy, shapeshifting badassery essentially cooler than the silly-in-comparison grabassery of T-101’s living tissue over metal endoskeleton? Yes. Is Robert Patrick Arnold Schwarzenegger? No. No, he is not.
Also, T-101 is in both of these pictures. And in T2, he single-handedly reloads a shotgun with his left while steering a Harley with his right, sporting an even classier pair of shades.
1. R2-D2 (Star Wars, 1977)
There is the inherent awesomeness of looking like a dustbin while being able to fix, monitor, understand, and control nearly anything in the known universe. When a certain toy company decides your robot is worth rebuilding out of small, plastic bricks made in Denmark though, there really isn’t a lot to add.
Do you agree or disagree with Rob? What movie robots are in your top 10?
