To celebrate Halloween Live for Films is having a horror movie review each night in the 31 Days of Horror. You can see last years 31 days here. You can be involved by sending me your review of a horror film – new, old, good, bad, depressing, funny, disgusting, psychological. As long as it can be classed as a horror then you can send it over to me at phil@liveforfilms.com
Click here to see all the reviews for 2011′s 31 Days of Horror.
Today KR reviews the prequel to Witchboard.
Witchboard is yet another film that dominated my youth. I’m not sure if that’s because it was a good film or because Tawny Kitaen plays the lead role. The film actually changed my life in a way. It gave birth to the Ouija board. I eventually got my own, which was no easy task seeing how my mother whole-heartedly believed the simple Parker board was without a doubt, the portal to hell and would inevitably lead to Satan’s holding dominion over my immortal soul. Man, I just wanted to ask the spirits where my dad’s porn collection was. Now that I think of it, I spent more time in 1986 using a Ouija board than going to school. By the end of the summer, my brother and I had filled an entire notebook with spirit documentation. My childhood home was a hot spot for paranormal activity. The average EMF peaked at 3.7 and if memory serves correctly, that summer we collected just over sixty EVPS. That’s a crazy amount of activity for a house so far below sea level. OK, I’ll stop. I’m just yanking your noodle. We didn’t really live below sea level.
Before Tawny Kitaen made money spreading her legs on Corvettes, (or for assorted rock stars) she was unknowingly falling victim to progressive entrapment. Such a sad state of affairs for a young, beautiful, red headed, big breasted, American woman. That’s the plot at first glance – a simple possession story. However, in the tradition of American Beauty, if you “look a little closer”, you will find a heartwarming story of two men who have been torn apart by a young, beautiful, red headed, big breasted American woman. Jim the drunk got the girl and now Brandon the tight ass is just a tad jealous. If I am being perfectly honest with you, he’s about a day away from jumping headfirst into a meat grinder. Damn bitches! They’ll get you every time. Thankfully for us, the young, beautiful, red headed, big breasted American woman takes it upon herself to use the board solo. Do I smell some progressive entrapment? This ultimately forces Felix and Oscar to rekindle their flame, all for the glory of love. I know what you’re thinking and no… there are no man-on-man love sequences. Not with the living anyway.
Man, this movie makes me feel good! I feel like Nikki Sixx in 1984 – needle included. This is what Witchboard is all about. Fun! The film was released in the mid eighties and it shows in every spirit-possessing frame. The wardrobe, the music, hair, special effects and film quality screams retro. With that being said, the film still works. The script is definitely solid. Writer/Director Kevin Tenney does a fine job with developing the possession of Tawny, the relationship between Jim and Brandon and most importantly, the mythology behind the evil spirit(s). It’s nicely balanced. I think this is why the film still works. A good script never dies! We are even treated to the classic scene where the main character travels to the library during the finale to research old newspaper clippings. If you don’t love that sequence then you deserve to be thrown head first into a meat grinder.
At times Witchboard can be creepier then Ed Gein shopping for groceries. Remember that shot in The Changeling when the camera floats though the house? It’s in Amityville: The Possession as well. That shot never fails to wake up the hairs on the back on my neck. Witchboard has its fair share of them too. One shot specifically leads up a staircase, down the hall and into a smoke filled room. The only two items in this barren space are a casket and laying on top of that, a Ouija board. Add in the not so subtle Casio SK-1 Keyboard accompaniment and voila, instant terror. The Ouija board is always a great tool in horror films, probably because everyone can relate to it. Most people have either used one or know someone who has. Man, all this Ouija board talk makes me want to whip one out right now. No. Not my tiny penis silly, the Ouija board.
Overall, I have to recommend Witchboard. I would be abandoning my inner child if I said anything else. The film has plenty of over-sized earrings, Doctor Who special effects and young, beautiful, red headed, big breasted, American women. And yes, Tawny removes her squirrel covers so please stop asking! If it’s been over ten years since your last viewing, then I suggest you give this one another rental, for good old fashioned nostalgia if nothing else. I beg of you. If this film entices you to use the board please don’t fly solo. I have already lost two readers this month due to progressive entrapment and I don’t think I could handle a third. Not in the same month anyway.
