The One Where “It Is Going To Rain Out There”. Saying a film “blew me away” is a bold statement. I got emails immediately from the Chairman (AKA Philip Edwards). I ignored them. Then the phone calls came. Imploring me to explain. Elaborate. Expand. “No, Philip”, I said. “I’m busy watching Russell Crowe redeem...

The One Where It’s Not 1986, Anymore In many respects, Die Hard 5 is as bad as Taken 2. In fact, I think the opening fifteen minutes are even worse. Picture the worst title cards you’ve ever seen. They roll in and out, getting in the way of the establishing shots of Moscow that remind us we’re in MOSCOW. Or the shots that flick back to...

The One Where QT Makes Me Curious About What Makes You Curious About Violent Movies Oh, Quentin…. It’s no secret around LFF Towers that I’m a fanboy. An unapologetic fanboy. Dogs was too violent and showy? (Not having it). Pulp was too talky and pretentious? (Nope). Jackie Brown was boring. (No. Way.) Basterds was too long? (Not having...

 The One Where Les Mis’ Gift Isn’t Its Song Right. In the interest of safety, let’s get something straight. Unlike the whole “I don’t do books debacle”, I do do musicals. (Do Do!) I love them. If Mrs T was watching Glee, I’d be genuinely interested in what songs they cover. If Grease is on, I’d watch it. If we...

The One Where I’m Gay For Gosling (And Think There’s A Time And A Place For Slapstick) Oh Gosling. You beautiful bastard. You’ve only gone and usurped Andy Garcia as the coolest cat in town. As Deano says HERE, he’s easily the best thing in Gangster Squad. Just effortless and humane, in amongst all of the cartoon gangsters. Now, I...

AKA The One Where Ang Lee Should Have Never Jumped Ship If you think my reviews on here are painful, be grateful we’re not friends on the book of Face. I review everything out of 5. Standard. Except I allow freely for decimilisation. Encourage it, even. Its relevant, bear with me. Life Of Pi, the book, was never for me. As I state HERE(!), I...

The One Where I Would Walk 500 Miles For Peter Jackson I really like The Lord Of The Rings. I love it, even. Not enough to keep it “on show” with my fave Blueys, though. Instead its “demoted” to under my 5 y/os bed. And he doesn’t even know it’s there. His Mum, who reminds me a bit of Galadriel, says he can’t watch...

The One With The Irreverent Chat About Bond, Skyfall and Jack Daniels Below follows excerpts from a confidential, for your eyes only, email trail. The emails were intercepted from LFF Towers, where myself Phil, Mark and the others reside. We all have an office each. It’s two metres by two metres squared. We occasionally talk in the canteen, but other...

The One Where Pitt Wants You To Pay Him His Fucking Money Andrew Dominik, you bloody beauty. Dad and I were only talking t’other day about Jesse James, and what a master piece it is. Just putting it out there… I think I prefer Killing Them Softly. After Looper, (SENSATIONAL), this may go down as the best week of 2012. Forget the fluff in the...

The One Where Savages Is Savage (And Not As Bad As You’ve Heard) I have a serious love/hate relationship with Oliver Stone. I mainly love him. Obvious reasons. Platoon. Making the world realise Cruise can act. Scarface, (which gets a nice nod, here.) And the hate? Well, he’s a bit druggy. Never do drugs, kids. And he sometimes edits like...